Forty plus and living it up

Forty plus and living it up

“Forty is a fearsome age. It is the age when we become who we are.”

– Charles Péguy, French Philosopher

This line sums up very well what we women who have crossed the 40 mark stand for. Doesn’t it?

I turned 45 in December last year and what a celebration it was. With my husband gifting me my favourite car (which he managed to keep a secret till the last minute), a lavish family lunch and a surprise birthday party with my dearest friends, I smiled so much, I still have laughter lines from then.

A vital question to ask…  Do I feel old? Answer: “No I do not.”

Second vital question- Do some people think I am old? Answer: “Yes. But they are the people who believe that my life was over, on the vanity and career front, the day I had my first kid.”

To all the women out there, listen to this piece of advice and IGNORE them… They are wrong.

A reality check… We now have a whole new set of problems to master (some have already been mastered)- raising teenagers, slower metabolism, regular overall check-ups, career responsibilities, night creams, grey hair roots, frequent facials and ever decreasing tolerance for hangovers. But aren’t these better than acnes, sad love stories, broken hearts, drunken nights and self-doubt? I would say yes, definitely!

It amazes me every time when the age of us women is barely murmured and that too only amongst a very carefully screened set of audience.  If you are in your forties, it’s silly to believe you are old and there is certainly nothing to fear. We have the experience, wisdom and knowledge that has turned us into undefeatable tigresses. If you don’t believe it, believe it now!

Our life experience with people and situations can, at most time, outdo knowledgeable but inexperienced youngers. The afflictions we have gone through and the positive and negative experiences in our lives, makes us stronger. And we wear our scars with pride and it’s the insurmountable source of our confidence.  

We know our limits and our craft and now no one can clip our wings and take away our dreams.

Nor is it easy to fool us anymore…

Remember the time when we either couldn’t say ‘No’ or just broke the persons heart. See the difference now. We now have the skill to gracefully decline without any hostilities or bad feeling later on.

Most of us do take good care of ourselves and try to look our best, with the knowledge that how we feel from the inside is mirrored how we look from the outside. And believe me, that’s a valuable piece of wisdom. Feel good and be confident. The under-eye bags, a little wrinkle here and there and white hair roots are all ‘fixable’.

Never ever let anyone tell you that you cannot wear something because you are 40 plus. You still are a diva and nothing can take that away from you.  

We have realised that’s its our life and it’s our opinion that counts the most… And we can never ever please everyone. We do have lesser advisers now or maybe we just don’t pay that much attention J

The reaction quotient- that has definitely reinvented itself. We have become better listeners and realised what a potent tool that is! We listen and research and then might react or not react. And just in case we do have an exaggerated reaction to something, it’s thought of as ‘let bygones be bygones.

Something I realised about myself recently. In my 20s, if I didn’t like a person, I said it on the face. Trust me, it got me into lots of trouble, especially if that person was a work colleague. Now, if I am working with someone, and no matter what my personal views about him/her, I keep it to myself, maintain a distance and try and do an evening outing once in a while. This is being wiser and empathetic and inviting unnecessary trouble.

Earlier I might not have been so accepting of people with different views than mine, but twenty years later, I quite enjoy diversity.

Then comes the famous statement- “Women love spending money.”

No Sir. We now know our finances. We don’t throw money, even if we did so before. Financial stability, responsibility, vacations are very important to us. Having fun doesn’t mean one needs to waste money.

Just like our finances and our life, our feelings are also under control. While some outbursts will ruin relationships, some will also drain us of our energy and positivity. The lesson ‘to Let go’ is learnt well. And so is the value of a few deep breaths and counting backwards.

Ten – fifteen years back, another woman might have been a competition, but now, our group of girlfriends is our secure haven. And we protect them fiercely.

Last, but the most important lesson we all have learnt by this age- the value of a bottle of wine, a set of good friends and an evening of constant taking to pour out all that has been bottled up inside us. It’s a detox session, done weekly if not more often and that reboots us to get back into the world and win.

This age is a thrilling chapter in our lives where we still have a lot more to achieve, lot more fun to be had and a lot of decisions to take. And guess what, we are totally equipped to do all that will all our knowledge…

For some of us, life has just started.

So make the best of it.

Have fun, be happy and smile ..

And exercise regularly!

Lots of love,

Divya.

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