My awkward journey to finding other mom friends
Two kids, a dog, a house to run and a husband who constantly travelled- that’s what my life was, after my second child was born. There was chaos, mess and a constant aching desire in my heart to have some grownup interaction.
The thing is, we had kids pretty early. None of our friends had walked down that path yet, and this resulted in a temporary separation of our worlds. These friends wanted to party at pubs, my husband and I wanted a quiet dinner at home; they wanted drunken evenings and we wanted early nights; they went party hopping, we went school hopping; they went glamorous clothes shopping, we went shopping for baby stuff; they were worried about hangover, we were worried about numerous times we’ll have to be up at night for feeding and diaper changing.
You see the problem now?
It’s not like they didn’t like me or something, it’s just that they didn’t have time for my baby centric conversations. It did change later, when some of them had their own kids, but at that time, I was on my own.
The constant poop cleaning, breast feeding and non-stop baby talk (which I miss now) was all I was doing and I desperately needed a friend.
My daily outing comprised of dropping my toddler to the pre-school, with my infant in the stroller and bring him back a few hours later. On one such trip, I decided to go to the park nearby. As the weather was pleasant and my baby well fed, I started to walk around. That’s when I met this lady, pushing a stroller very similar to mine. Well, this worked as an ice breaker and we started to talk, soon to figure out we had so much in common, including two kids of same age. Our coincidental meeting turned to coffee dates, then play dates, dinners, and today she is one of my dearest friends.
Having found such great joy in one friendship, I craved for more and in an effort to reach my goal, I slammed my life with numerous play dates, coffee afternoons with school mommies, tea evenings with neighbourhood mothers and potluck dinners with the ones in the building. My neediness did find me my precious set of friends, and I was so much happier now.
We all need friends. It’s vital. With a proper social life, a good friend circle, we are happier and healthier…
It did get me thinking though. There are so many mothers, who go through the same lonely phase as I did. So many who find themselves to be stuck alone at home with kids, wanting friends, craving company, and not knowing how to make those friends. Motherhood changes our lives a bit and it’s always good to have another mother by your side.
My suggestion-
- Start close to home.
- Make friends with the school moms.
- Start going to the park every evening and you are bound to meet neighbouring moms with kids.
- If you have a toddler, join a club with kid friendly activities. Baby pool is where I found two of my real good friends.
- If you live in an apartment, that’s great. Find out who has kids similar to your kids age, give them a call and invite them home or meet in a common area in the building.
- Join a mother-toddler class.
- Giving a compliment about clothes, patience, parenting skills is a big ice breaker.
- Organise playdates at home.
- Hold theme-based parties and special occasion parties, like Halloween, Christmas, anything.. I remember, every year I was the one organising Holi and Diwali party for school mums. I always asked some of the mothers to help out and they loved it, plus I didn’t have to do all the work myself…
- Come up with plans for outings, like taking kids to the Zoo or to the garden or some new show in town.
- Just in case a mother says no to joining your party once, please ask her the next time. She might genuinely be busy or just shy.
One just needs to make a bit of an effort. You are not the only one looking out to make new friends.
When you make these new friends, not all will be lifelong friendships. You will be fortunate if you find a handful. Some will end with kids changing schools or you changing houses and that’s ok. You will make more friends. And once the kids start proper school, you will have a whole new bunch of parents to get to know.
Try to maintain your new and old friendships.
I read this somewhere once, that making friends with parents of other kids is like dating. You need to find the right opportunity to meet, then schedule various coffee and dinner dates, along with playdates, then decide which combination works best for you and then make an effort to maintain it..
So fellow mommies, welcome back to dating once again!