Stay connected with your Partner
When two people get in a relationship, it’s all mushy words, dreamy eyes, longing for one another and Yash Chopra movie songs playing in the background. Some of us have even imagined, if not enacted, the chiffon saree dance on snow, in freezing weather. So why is it that after a few years the TV remote, salt intake, shampoo bottle or the newspaper becomes the reason behind constant bickering?
Most couples fight for reasons that are avoidable and unnecessary. I have done it too…
The choice between Tom Ellis and Virat Kohli has not just spoilt evenings, but many weekends and dinners.
Worst is going to bed angry, waking up and still being angry with each other and stretching this ‘no talking to each other’ phase for days. Anger turns into bitterness which turns into malice, and with one partner feeling vulnerable and insecure, the emotional connect is ruined bit by bit.
For partners in a relationship, it really vital to stay connected and its not all that tough.
Pay attention to each other
Having a little bit of gratitude, saying thank you, observing each other’s likes and dislikes no matter how insignificant, a hug and a kiss every now and then, and putting the phone away while talking can go a long way. Everyone likes to feel special and these small gestures work wonders with that. I’ll share something. I love lilies. My husband, who sincerely believes that it’s a useless gesture, gets me a bunch every week. He paid attention and I never forget to show excitement every time I see him entering our home with these precious flowers.
Communication
Communication is the key to any relationship. If you talk, you get to know of each other’s needs, problems and interests. More often than not, all one is looking for is a listening ear! Give that and you have a bond of trust.
Cut off from work
Work is hectic for all of us and setting fixed work timings are tough. Before you say no to setting a daily schedule where after a point you cut yourself off from work, remember, your work will replace you in a day if not less, whereas your partner might replace you eventually, but after a lot of heart ache, time-lapse, permanent scars and soul wrenching pain. It’s not worth it! When you come home, leave your work behind. This is for all genders and people who play all roles. Even the home-maker needs to cut off after a while from the nitty-gritties of running a house. Schedule your work time and time with your partner every day.
Put each other first
“The simple lack of her is more to me than others’ presence.”
—Edward Thomas
Never let your partner feel that they don’t matter or they are not important enough. Put him/her before others.
Don’t ignore small requests
“Can you please keep this dish in the refrigerator honey” or “can you massage my neck for a minute” are small requests which shouldn’t go unattended. A frown, a no or no reply status is like a parasite that eats up the relationship slowly. All it takes is a little bit of effort and a smile.
Team work
Work together. Talk before taking important decisions. Take up activities that you do together. Divide your responsibilities. If one of you is facing a problem, talk and help solve the problem. If it can’t be solved, help your partner sail through it. Knowing that you are there, no matter what, gives the other strength and courage. This applies to stress too. Your partners stress shouldn’t be his/her alone. Make it ‘our’ stress and get rid of it together. Work as a team.
Respect privacy
If your partner doesn’t want to talk about something, give him/her that space. Some things are personal, even in the closest of relationships. Constantly nagging will just rip you apart and there will important things held back from you that should have been shared.
Friends
Even if you don’t like a friends or friends that the other has, don’t be unpleasant. Smile and exchange pleasantries. It’s a good investment. My personal experience (and I can be totally wrong), men are very emotional about their school/ college buddies.
Intimacy
Real emotional connect comes mainly through intimacy. Make time for that. Don’t ignore your partners needs because of your busy schedule. Create time for those intimate moments. It’s so painful to watch so many couples drift apart because work, tiredness, kids and mainly lethargy comes in the way. Don’t let it happen.
Relationships are tough! These are a few things that will help.
Richard Bach said, “True love stories never have endings.” Make yours one.
And buy two TVs for the house!
Lots of Love,
Divya.
